How is it Possible:
- To love someone so much
- That Dave and I made a human
- That he is already 10 weeks old
- That my maternity leave is almost over.
-........ I could go on and on.
So very much has happened since I wrote about Brody's Birth story. Many times I have wanted to sit down and write about it but I just couldn't peal my self away from him to do so. I also knew that some things that have happened since he was born have been really hard and I knew I needed some distance from them and time to gain some perspective.
Brody is now 10 and a half weeks old and I cant believe how much he has changed since birth. Right now he LOVES to stand, chew on his hands, and laugh. He doesn't have to many dislikes and only fusses when he is hungry or really tired. He is a great sleeper and always has been, At 6 weeks he was sleeping 6 hours at night and going right back down after a feeding for another three hours. Currently we have established a wonderful night time routine where he gets a bath at 7, eats around 7:45 and we lay him down in his crib at 8. He falls to sleep easily on his own in his crib doesn't wake till 6AM. I must add though that he tosses, turns, and grunts like crazy from 4-6 until he passes lots of gas. His tossing and turning keep me up but I can't complain because I have never had a single night since he was born where I felt sleep deprived. Brody now sleeps in his own room and we had no trouble transitioning. I actually feel like I can watch him better with the monitor than when he was in the dark in our room. I plan on trying to break him of having to be swaddled in the next month or so and I already know that it will probably be our most challenging thing yet.
Unfortunately a few weeks after Brody was born I had a few issues with my recovery that were very difficult to deal with. With the help of a few wonderful doctors, my family and friends I am happy to say most of the issues have resolved. Acutely while I was dealing with these issues I felt very cheated because my maternity leave was spent either stuck on the couch or in a doctors office. I wanted so badly to be out and about with my little man, taking walks, shopping or hanging out with friends. Looking back now, I am not happy that I had to go through those things, but because I was so limited in activity I got to spend weeks snuggled up on the couch with Brody. I am so glad that I got those moments with him instead of getting out and walking or shopping with him.
As it approaches the time for me to go back to work I am very sad. I actually have not felt this sad about anything since Dave deployed to Iraq. I love my job, and the people I work with but to be completely honest I would rather be home with him. In an ideal world I would stay home with him until he went to school and then I would return to work. This scenario is unfortunately not possible so I must learn to deal with having to be away from him. We have hired a great girl to be his nanny and I feel very comfortable with her and how she will care for him. I worry and hope that he does well with this transition of care and that him and Kaitlyn find what works for them and he remains a happy baby. I worry about his breathing and how he sometimes obstructs when crying really hard. I worry about missing moments and him getting attached to her more than me. I worry that he will cry and if I were home I could fix it quickly but Kaitlyn will have trouble figuring out what he needs. I know that most of these are silly, but it still hurt to think about.
Things I a have learned about motherhood so far:
- it's better than I could have imagined
- It scares me to think about how much I love him and how much it would hurt if something happened to him
- there are moments that are hard and for a brief moment you might question why you did this but then a little smile or coo reminds you and you forget all about what was so hard.
- I need to constantly remind myself to not look forward to when he can do later in life and to cherish the moments of where he is right now in development.
As I finish writing this my little man is waking up from a nap so instead of typing more, I am going to go scoop him up and cherish these last few days of my time off.
y 
