Back to Work

 Back to Work

I started back to work on February 13 and it was so much harder than I thought it would be.  Tuesday night was especially hard because I gave myself permission to get emotional about leaving him.  I rocked him to sleep that night and then came down stairs and cried so hard. Although I knew he would be fine because he is such and easy going baby I worried that our nanny Kaitlyn would have trouble learning his cues and he would cry more than usual because she would not be able to anticipate his needs like I can.  I do realize that the real reason I was upset was not because I was sad or scared for him but I was sad for me.  I didn't want him to become more attached to Kaitlyn than me, I was afraid he would begin to want her when I was with him and I was angry because going back to work was not what I wanted to do but  knew I had to.

When I woke Wednesday morning it went better than I thought.  I got up at 5:00 pumped, and then got myself ready for work.  Dave, Kaitlyn and I had planned out that I would not get Brody out of  bed this morning and I was going to just get ready for work and leave without even glancing at him.  I was afraid that if I looked at him that morning I wouldn't be able to stop the waterworks and showing up to work like that would be so embarrassing. I should have known that this was never going to work.  I couldn't leave without seeing him.  I woke him up at 5:45 fed him a bottle and we played till 6:30.  I even managed to keep my emotions in check!  When Kaitlyn arrived she  brought two heart shaped homemade cookies for me.  It was this simple gesture that really made my day so much better.  I knew Brody was in such good hands and even if it took some time for her to learn his cues I knew that she would love him and care for him like he was her own.  

My original assignment, for my first day back, was at the clinic doing pediatric cases.  I knew this would be to hard so the group switched my line with Leah's line.  I ended up having an easy case load at the hospital which was very helpful.  I realized that I had spent so much time worrying about leaving Brody that I had not even thought about how it would be to practice anesthesia after being gone for 11 weeks.  Luckily for me the day went pretty smooth.  It was great to see everyone again and I really do love my job so in some ways it was nice to be back to work.

The first weekend after returning to work I knew I would just want to snuggle Brody so I had told Dave it was fine if he went out of town.  I came to regret this decision, and like so many working Moms I had so much to get caught up on over the weekend that it was much busier than I had thought it would be.  Luckily for me Dave came home from his vacation on Monday night instead of Wednesday, which was so helpful.  I learned over the last week and a half that our nights are so busy after work that it really helps to have Dave home.  Currently our routine is that I get home at 4 and I feed Brody regardless of when he ate last and then we snuggle on the couch for awhile.  After Brody wakes up we play until Dave comes home from work around 6.  A few of our evenings have been a little rough due to a decreased milk supply but we are working on improving that.  Dave and I usually tag team dinner and while I am giving Brody his bath at 7 Dave is in charge of transferring pumped milk from bottles to bags, and cleaning all my pump and bottle supplies for the next day.  After Brody's bath he eats and then around 7:45 I read him a story, rock him until he is drowsy and he goes to sleep in his crib at 8.  He now sleeps without being swaddled which to my surprise was no issue to break.  Luckily for us Brody stirs but never wakes until 5:45AM when get him up to eat and play before work.  He is such a good sleeper!!!  

So far we are adjusting as best we can to our new normal life and will continue to work out the details.  Overall I am as happy as I can be with this new routine.  I am so thankful for Kaitlyn and one day hope to work 4 days a week instead of 5 so that I can spend more time watching my little man grow. 

Lots of Snuggle Time Late

Kaitlyn And Brody On A Walk